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Women Behaving Badly

Wednesday October 20, 2004
Executives Copyright © MMIV. The Standard Group


Women behaving badly

Liz Nasaipei tries to compile a list of the things women do that irritate men. Is she trying hard enough? You be the judge.

Wildlife documentaries offer a glimpse into the workings of the animal kingdom. Of particular interest to me is the behaviour of those bad-looking wildebeest. On top of having the most awkward asymmetrical faces, the poor animals never seem to function in solitude. Everywhere they go, they come in droves, making the most annoying sounds as they move along. Perhaps, their unfortunate looks and demeanour are the reason why they make good prey for the lion.

In the human kingdom, there is a subspecies whose behaviour is remarkably close to those of the wildebeest: women. Their constant need to hang out in huge groups has been driving men crazy for ages. In fact, this is the most hated habits of women. Picture this — a certain beautiful lass happens to catch your fancy. In order to get to her, you must weave through the layers of girls who make it their business to forever be around her. Like those annoying wildebeests, these girls move everywhere together. Once you have penetrated this all but impervious orbit, you summon all your tuning courage and get a date out of her. If luck is on your side (and once the venue and date has been approved by her Parliamentary gang), you are well on your way to the first date.

You haven’t heard the last of the herd, though. The object of your affections will appear will all her hangers-on in tow for your very important first date. Given women’s natural ability to attract useless crowds to every function, one wonders why they don’t do better in politics. A brother has to stretch his wallet and entertaining capacity to accommodate the increased numbers. One guy told me that this habit would be easier to take if every man knew that all those girls would be open to the idea of a wild orgy. For now, all women going on dates in groups are, plainly speaking, ill-mannered wildebeest.

Nothing irritates a man more than a woman who always asks for favours in a wheedling little-girl voice. Even some otherwise un-manipulative women seem unable to ask for something without putting on ‘the voice’. Most women who do this are aware that is an incredibly effective tactic. What they may not know is that the ‘Yes’ they have wrung out of their man is more likely because he cannot stand to see someone he cares about being so pathetic, annoying and whiny.

Men are visual creatures who rise in excitement at the sight of flesh and curves. Women know this and are now showing the kind of flesh that makes the men quiver in lust. However, there are some amongst us who are curiously conflicted about this exposure. If you as a woman have decided to bare significant sections of your tits or thighs, stick with that plan. It is rather disconcerting to see women continuously wrestling with the hemlines of their miniskirts when they succeed in attracting male attention. A man will be enjoying the lovely view of some ample cleavage only to have it interrupted by its owner’s attempts to cover it up. Where is the logic in that? Many a man has been left wondering why women are so quick to mess up their acts of visual generosity. Women should either cover up or bare it. Those flimsy attempts at going back on their obvious efforts at displaying their wares are in poor form.

A car comes close to sacred as far as many blokes are concerned. Treating cars with careless disregard or frivolity is taboo. This is why they cannot understand why many women fill their cars with rows upon rows of fluffy teddy bears. If you want to nestle with your babe in her car, you may have to jostle for space with the furry creatures that reside in her car. Try moving one out of the car and you might as well be murdering someone. She treats the little still-eyed folks as if they were living beings. Now, I have been told that such behaviour is indicative of a troubled childhood, but for most men it is bad manners.

Another vexing female habit is obsession with the two-dimensional characters that populate TV soap operas. Millions of women live for La Revancha and Days of Our Lives. It is one thing to put up with the Spanish-English lip-synching, but quite another to have to listen to the endless outpouring of female commentaries. A group of women get together and soon enough they will discuss with great detail why Solidad should find true love. The more sophisticated crowd will not let an evening go by without enumerating why they are so similar to Carrie or Samantha in Sex and the City. Short of boring a man to death, such talk leaves little room to discuss more important matters like politics and football. It is better and more polite to be a dumb blonde that to be a bad-mannered girl whose conversation only spans the local soaps.

Dare I add faked orgasms to this list? Many a woman, inspired by some mediocre skin flick, has felt compelled to cheer on her man’s efforts at taming the beast with two backs with a bout of theatrically overdone moaning. Few men will point out how patronising this is and, unless they know the neighbours can hear it (and are gagging with laughter), will probably not mention it. Word of advice: Unless he is a full of himself, he probably expects the earth to move for you less than half the time, so if you give him a perfect record he is bound to find your groaning in poor form. Humour him, do not mock him.

Women do not annoy with their bad manners, they simply irritate. They can either drive you crazy or make you lose your libido forever. For the sake of the continued documentaries on the human species, girls should cease behaving badly and cast away those annoying habits.

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By Anonymous Anonymous at 9:40 am

Or maybe you should shut up, put up and thank god that you actually scored a girl.
The reason girls act like this is because males are stupid slimeballs that are desperate enough for sex to do anything women want.
You hypocritical bastards have no one to blame but yourselves.    

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